Expectations….the word send shivers down my spine for reasons I grew to be afraid of over the years. I always listed my fears under expectations as I am always in fear of what is expected of me but not what I expect from people. I never got to understand the full meaning of that till I grew up and understood its essence in life and I came to fear it greatly especially when am at the end of been expected from. My fear is, I would fail when am being expected on, then I realized my fear is my failure; I ask myself how do I overcome my fear. My fear of failure didn’t start in a day neither have I failed people but I have been failed many times during my walk through life, which makes me feel being expected on is a great responsibility.
Its hurts when our expectations are not being met and we are proved wrong by the people we expected from; it takes trust to build expectations and once expectations aren’t met, the trust breaks giving in to pain, pain I have felt several times. I have expected love in return from my partner in relationships I have been in but I didn’t get it back and it hurt, I have expected to pass an examination I thought I really wrote well but the results weren’t what I anticipated, I have applied for jobs I knew I qualify for but expectations weren’t met, I expected people to be there for me but they weren’t and it broke me down when growing up directing me to making wrong choices which affected my life one way or the other, I expected my mum to be there and protect me but she wasn’t; all these failures make me fear when people expect things from me.
I feel I may fail them the same way I was failed which makes me live in fear. I fear not having kids cause I fear I might fail them like I was failed and not protect them, I fear loving people and expecting it back cause I know I won’t be loved back, I fear even believing in tomorrow cause I know it wouldn’t be how I want it to be. Expectations and fear……how can I overcome you?